Welcome To The Most Exciting, Informative, Intriguing,
And VALUABLE Electronic Newsletter Ever Assembled
In The History Of Mankind.
… Well, At Least It’s A VERY GOOD Electronic Newsletter
From Your Friendly And Professional Fine Painting Company
Welcome to The Painter’s Rag… your helpful, insightful, and at-least-slightly-amusing monthly peek behind the curtain (or, monthly glimpse under the drop-cloth, if you will) of the enthralling heretofore-unexplored (by you) world of fine painting, staining, and finishing (plus an occasional ribaldrous contribution from the Curmudgeon in Chief – for your discriminating discernment).
If you don’t want to receive this inestimable treasure every month, what are you, insane? No, seriously, you can opt out (below).
But we’re so sure you’ll love your free subscription to The Painter’s Rag, we’re willing to sextuple your money back if you decide to opt out. ‘Cause you won’t want to!
No, you’ll want to forward each edition to your friends, neighbors, houseguests, vendors, congressional representatives, wedding party, casual acquaintances, “freinemies,” utility companies, wrong numbers (“Don’t hang up! Let me get your email address”), business partners, competitors, customers, former customers, fellow standers-in-line at the grocery store, family members, people who showed up at the reunion but whose actual blood-relation status is somewhat questionable, drinking buddies, golfing buddies, sober non-golfing buddies, bill collectors, and that one lady who always shows up late to church but still insists on squeezing by everybody to sit in the middle of the second pew and looks like no way she has enough to do (or read) in her life.
And why? Well, because The Painter’s Rag will provide no less than ONE (count ‘em, one) cool idea each month… and will be the sort of witty piece of artistic prose no bill collector or utility company can resist!
And it’s brought to you by the fine family of professional painters, stainers (is that a thing?) and finishers at Imhoff Fine Painting… where you get FAR more than just a paint job (you also get a wonderful experience you’ll love, and, for a limited time, some leftover Halloween candy).
Also, there are at least three fantastic benefits to subscribing to The Painter’s Rag:
- It’s free.
- It’s easy and fun to read.
- It costs virtually nothing.
Here’s a cool painting-related idea you can put into practice RIGHT AWAY: Book your beautiful job NOW for January, February or March, when things are slow in the painting business, and receive some kind of discount.
(Call for details.)
All joking aside (or above) (or below), THANKS for making Imhoff Fine Painting your first choice when it comes to painting, staining, sprucing-up, and really everything from a simple accent wall to decorative concrete refinishing.
We are “love-forward” painters… we love what we do… and we can’t wait to show you what a FINE painting experience can be.
And we offer mobile service… don’t bring the house to us… we paint it right there, onsite, at YOUR convenience!
- Do you have any leftover Halloween candy to trade? Send photos.
- Does your congressional representative have enough to read?
- How can your home or business property be spruced up at a discount during the months of January, February, and March?
Send your answers to firstname.lastname@example.org
“Beautiful, lasting results; with 20 full-time painters – all company employees, no subcontractors – we’ll get your job done quickly and professionally, with beautiful results – guaranteed”
(* Prize is at the sole discretion of Doug Imhoff, his heirs, assigns, mostly his better half, and possibly a focus group of our professional painters who aren’t busy at the moment, which better not be any of them. Must be at least 17.2 years of age and NOT present, please, for the love of all that is sacred, to win. Offer not valid where prohibited, and not prohibited where valid. See fine print on back of paint can for details – not about this, of course, but you will see some details on that can. Boring, lackluster, serious, or unimaginative entries need not bother, as they have no chance of winning, but MAY be held against you in a court of law. Unlikely, but maybe.)
Don’t forget: With Imhoff Fine Painting, you always get more than a high-quality paint job… you get an enjoyable experience we hope you’ll treasure. We’re passionate about our customers and their properties… we’re a “painting family,” and we treat your project like family, too! Check us out online. We’re delighted by the many enthusiastic five-star reviews our clients have shared on Google, Yelp, and elsewhere. And we can’t wait to earn our next outstanding review from you!
a GREAT painting experience?
Please forward The Painter’s Rag their way!