We paint and stain fireplaces and mantels beautifully, but we don’t build mantels, nor install and clean fireplaces. But we know THE BEST people who do!
Whatever The Problem, Never Despair:
Imhoff Fine Residential Painting Is There!
The Painter’s Rag:
Monthly Wit And Wisdom
From Your Friendly And Professional Fine Painting Company
The other day, the busy phones at Imhoff Fine Residential Painting Company brought a call from a customer who needed some painting done on his home.
This is highly unusual here at Imhoff Fine Residential Painting Company.
(Ha! Gotcha. This is actually an extremely common type of call for us to get. We get about 4,212 of these per day.)
(…Though that is a very rough estimate. Maybe it only seems like 4,212 some days.)
Anyhoo, we rushed a crew of talented, highly-trained, attractive professional painters to the job.
Once we got there, and the customer showed us around the property and pointed out places he felt needed fresh paint, we noticed that he might have additional needs which, if you want to be technical, don’t strictly fall within the scope of a painter’s services.
It seems lightning had struck a giant tree in his back yard, causing the tree to topple onto the house, creating a huge hole which effectively demolished about a quarter of the guy’s home.
He was absolutely correct – he was going to need some fresh paint on his walls – but first, those walls were going to have to be replaced. Along with the roof, the gutters and downspouts, four windows, a big chunk of siding, a sliding-glass patio door, and the patio itself.
Oh, and the tree.
But lest you rush to the conclusion that our customer had called Imhoff Fine Residential Painting a bit too early, understand that this was one of our cherished, long-time customers, and he knew that we have an extensive network of referral partners who can take care of practically anything.
Now, I’m not talking about Chuck In A Truck, or Dan In A Van, here. Chuck and/or Dan will tell you they can handle any job, big or small, but… can they? Can they, really? If you’ve ever worked with Chuck or Dan, you know the answer.
No, the companies we refer to our cherished customers are expert, specialist firms, and they’re the BEST in their respective industries.
Need a new roof? We know a guy. Need windows or glass doors? We know a guy. Need to have a patio redesigned with a fantastic rock hardscape? We know a woman who’s in that business, and she’s the best in town!
We can refer you to insurance people, landscaping people, remodeling people, and even psychology people (in case this is all just too much). And all of them provide the best professional services money can buy.
Also, if you need painting or staining, we definitely know a guy, because we ARE such a guy.
So no matter what calamities might befall you and your property, don’t despair. Give us a call, and let us put our professional network to work for you.
Operators are standing by!
- If a tree falls on a guy’s house, and his wife happens to be out of town at the time and doesn’t know about it, is the guy still an insensitive dolt? Asking for a friend
- How many weeks, months, or years would you estimate it would take Chuck or Dan to receive 4,212 calls requesting his services? Extra credit if you can create an econometric model which could predict the likelihood that he could actually handle the job
- Besides a fresh coat of LOVE in the form of a truly fabulous paint job, what can Imhoff Fine Residential Painting and our mighty network of service professionals do for YOUR property?
Send your answers to email@example.com
(* Prize is at the sole discretion of Doug Imhoff, his heirs and assigns, and an extensive network of entry-judging referral partners. Top prize may or may not be a giant tree – lightning not included. Psychology people need not apply, though it is sometimes fun to see how intellectually complex they can make just about any topic. No offense… just sayin.’ Entry deadline strictly enforced, but non-existent. Boring, lackluster, or unimaginative entries will be placed on hold and taken in the order in which they are received, but there are 4,211 calls ahead of you, and your approximate wait time will be Christmas. Best of luck!)
Don’t forget: With Imhoff Fine Residential Painting, you always get more than a high-quality paint job… you get an enjoyable experience we hope you’ll treasure. We’re passionate about our customers and their properties… we’re a “painting family,” and we treat your project like family, too! Check us out online. We proudly tell everyone in our network about the many enthusiastic five-star reviews our clients have shared on Google, Yelp, and elsewhere. And we can’t wait to earn our next outstanding review from you!
Know anybody who could use a smile… or perhaps a GREAT painting experience?
Please forward The Painter’s Rag their way!