The Wacky Way We Work
… Hint: We Employ Only The BEST People
The Painter’s Rag:
Monthly Wit And Wisdom
From Your Friendly And Professional Fine Painting Company
Know anybody who needs a job, and who will show up for work? Sort-of?
I hear Dan In A Van is hiring. Sort-of.
On the other hand, if you know a person with a great work ethic, lots of integrity, honesty (to a fault, if that’s even a thing), and maturity… and if this person you know is looking to be part of something truly excellent, send them our way.
We are looking to add to the Imhoff Painting Family.
We don’t hire painters. We add members to our Painting Family. And there’s a BIG difference.
Painters, you see, usually think they know everything there is to know about painting, and are not particularly coachable or (let’s be honest) talented.
They often have that “how hard could it be?” mentality… they get an old van and buy some supplies, and voila, they is a painter!
If you know anyone like that, send them to Dan.
We’re looking for great people, who may or may not have a lot of painting experience, to add to our Painting Family. Because we train them, thoroughly, like nobody else (including Dan) (especially Dan) would ever think to do.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. Dan In A Van, and Chuck In A Truck, do have a training facility where their people can get some first-hand experience and learn the basics of painting.
It’s your house or place of business.
To illustrate this point, I know a guy who, years ago, wanted to put wallpaper on a painted, textured wall in his bedroom. He found out that he needed a “slick finish” on that wall, over the texture, in order to make the wallpaper adhere properly.
“Is that something I can learn to do myself?” this knucklehead asked.
“Yes, you can learn it,” an expert told him, “but you sure don’t want to learn it on your own house.”
That’s because there are approximately 1,427,613 things that can go wrong when you try to “do it yourself” in beautifying your property.
So the “painters” employed by people like Dan and Chuck are happy to learn the trade on your house, even though they would never think of doing so on their own homes.
‘Scuse us for being unusual… wacky, even… but that ain’t the way we do things at Imhoff Fine Residential Painting Company.
We actually have a real-for-real training facility – the Imhoff Painting Academy (IPA… no, not that IPA) – in which we train excellent people to do excellent work as part of our excellent Painting Family.
I’m not saying there aren’t more than 1.4 million things that can go wrong even when you have the best-trained painters in the world working on your project… but I will say your chances of an awesome outcome (and much better value-for-money) are greatly improved.
That’s because our Painting Family is highly compensated, treated like the talents they are, trained in every aspect of residential painting, and fully aware that their reputations (and ours) are on the line with every project we do.
And when something goes wrong, we fix it!
(If you hire Dan or Chuck and their rent-a-painters, and something goes wrong on your project, it may be difficult to find them again. Just sayin.’)
At Imhoff Fine Residential Painting Company, we’re the real deal. We’re fully insured, we’re locked into the finest professional organizations, we hold ourselves to the highest quality standards, and we don’t cut corners.
We paint them.
So if you know of an excellent person who wants to be part of an excellent operation, have them give us a call!
Our business… and our Painting Family… is growing.
- Have you ever made 1,427,613 errors on a do-it-yourself project?
- That’s impressive. Send photos (aerial shots preferred)
- Who do you know who has a zeal for excellence, and wants to be part of something special?
Send your answers to email@example.com
(* Prize is at the sole discretion of Doug Imhoff, his friends and frenemies, and a panel of unemployed steel workers who have nothing better to do. For a small additional fee, we will hire a string quartet of unemployed steel workers to play inspiring music as we read your entry. This can only improve your odds of winning. Top prize is twice as good as the halfway-to-the-top prize. Previous winners include Nobel Prize recipients, literary icons, captains of industry, and/or regular schlubs like you, so you really have nothing to lose. Restrictions? Bah. We don’t need no stinkin’ restrictions. Offer void wherever fine products are sold. Boring, lackluster, or unimaginative entries will be harshly criticized by a panel of unemployed steel workers, and may be subject to withholding. But they have no chance of winning. The unimaginative entries, that is, not the steel workers, though their chances are pretty slim too. Don’t send us anything but your best stuff. Your “B” stuff? Send that to Dan In A Van, c/o DIY Industries, NY NY 10017. Include 3×5 recipe card and two recent movie stubs.)
Don’t forget: With Imhoff Fine Painting, you always get more than a high-quality paint job… you get an enjoyable experience we hope you’ll treasure. We’re passionate about our customers and their properties… we’re a “painting family,” and we treat your project like family, too! Check us out online. We’re delighted by the many enthusiastic five-star reviews our clients have shared on Google, Yelp, and elsewhere. And we can’t wait to earn our next outstanding review from you!
Know anybody who could use a smile… or perhaps a GREAT painting experience?
Please forward The Painter’s Rag their way!