Merry Happy Holidays From Your Friends At Imhoff
… Beating The Paint Grinch EVERY Time
The Painter’s Rag:
Monthly Wit And Wisdom
From Your Friendly And Professional Fine Painting Company
‘Twas the night before Festivus, at least for the rest of us,
And we were appalled by a chide from a guest of us:
“How can you let such a beautiful home
Look like it was painted by some garden gnome?”
This shocked us! But when we looked all ‘round the place,
We finally hung down our heads in disgrace.
She’d nailed us, this guest… there were problems galore
Starting with the flaked stain all around the front door.
But did it stop there? Oh, no! It did not!
The bannister stain looked like stale jungle rot!
And don’t get us started on how ghastly-grim
Was the stain on what should have been beautiful trim.
“Restaining,” we nodded, “That’s all that we need.”
But then we saw walls where it seemed someone pe – uh, went to the bathroom!
And speaking of bathrooms, that one off the kitchen
Looked so bad it got us all frownin’ and itchin.’
Now, garden gnomes did not create this disgrace
It was the Paint Grinch, to put a name to the face.
Maybe Chuck In A Truck, or Dan In A Van
Had done the real work; but the Grinch made the plan.
And, if put to it, we’d have to confess
That “do it yourself” was a part of the mess.
With cheap store-bought brushes, how hard could it be?
Turns out it’s much harder, not done properly.
We’d just about given up hope for the day,
And figured our holiday plans were “no way.”
When, out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter:
It was Santa Imhoff! With rollers and ladder!
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And kept a clean workplace (a fabulous perk).
His crew of Paint Elves knew just what they could do
To spruce up the house (and exterior, too).
The bad stain was stripped, and with great stain replaced;
The walls looked un-peed-on, and trim was re-faced.
Those flakings and peelings and unsightly mars?
They fixed them all up, and then got in their cars.
The Grinch had been banished, and Dan and Chuck too,
And the whole friggin’ place now looked brand-friggin’ new!
Santa Imhoff exclaimed, as he drove down the block,
“Happy Holidays, All! Now your guests will not squawk!”
Happy Holidays to our customers and readers, and to every cherished member of the Imhoff “painting family.” We wish you and yours the very best of this festive season, and a joyous, prosperous, peeling-and-flaking-free new year!
- Do you know a fabulously talented and reliable painter who happens to be a garden gnome? We don’t discriminate.
- What are your plans for Festivus Eve? Need a fresh coat of paint?
- How long has it been since you spruced up the place… do your guests see things to which you’ve gone blind, even if they don’t chide or squawk about it?
Send your answers to email@example.com
(* Prize is at the sole discretion of Doug Imhoff, his friends and associates, and a smattering of Paint Elves who have attended advanced training courses on contest entry judging. The grand prize is possibly a bit over-named, but who’s gonna enter a contest to win an “Okay Prize?” Of course, we have no idea what YOU would consider “grand,” so hey, knock yourself out. So far, you may very well be in the lead. Offer deemed outrageous in certain counties and Canadian provinces. Must be at least THIS tall to ride the roller coaster or hang the star on the top of the tree… but this contest carries no particular height requirement. See details, if any. Boring, lackluster, or unimaginative entries will be wrapped around a lump of coal and placed in your stocking each year for all time. So keep it sharp!)
Don’t forget: With Imhoff Fine Painting, you always get more than a high-quality paint job… you get an enjoyable experience we hope you’ll treasure. We’re passionate about our customers and their properties… we’re a “painting family,” and we treat your project like family, too! Check us out online. We’re delighted by the many enthusiastic five-star reviews our clients have shared on Google, Yelp, and elsewhere. And we can’t wait to earn our next outstanding review from you!
Know anybody who could use a smile… or perhaps a GREAT painting experience?
Please forward The Painter’s Rag their way!
Image Credit: https://www.cbc.ca/news/entertainment/dr-suess-how-the-grinch-stole-christmas-50th-anniversary-1.3894672