Dear Santa:
(Here’s Every FINE Painter’s Wish List)
The Painter’s Rag:
Monthly Wit And Wisdom
From Your Friendly And Professional Fine Painting Company
Dear Santa,
Love the red suit! Nice! But let’s get down to it.
My staff said “Write Santa”… and I thought I’d rue it.
But there ARE things with which you could give me a hand, which,
If given, I’d leave more than milk and a sandwich.
You see, Mr. Claus, there are grinches around here
Who call themselves “painters.” Oh, yes, they abound here!
“How hard can it be?” they proclaim, to a man,
I mean Chuck In A Truck, and Dan In A Van…
…And those of their ilk who can’t paint things too well.
They charge pretty pennies… but their work looks like hell.
Their customers call us. They fret, whine and bawl:
“It looks like some egg nog threw up on my wall!”
We rush to the job, and we fix things up proper,
E’en stain that looks much like a green chili slopper.
And Santa, it’s not like I’d wish someone ill,
But sometimes, these Chucks and these Dans, I could kill.
So Wish One: For those clients who cherish each wall,
Give Imhoff Fine Res’dential Painting a call!
Don’t waste time and money on Dan and his truck,
Or any cheap painter who don’t give a Chuck.
Wish Two: Mr. Claus, if it’s not too much hassle,
Lock Dan in the dungeon of your North Pole castle.
I’m not sayin’ f’rever! That wouldn’t be saintly!
Just ‘til Dan swears he’ll no longer be paintly.
(Maybe fix Dan up a job with your boys…
He might not be bad at assembling toys!)
Wish Three is for Rudolph, who flies swift and sleek
And lights up the sky with that bulb on his beak:
Fly Chuck off to someplace he’ll be all alone
Like Memphis, or Tucson, or maybe Raton.
And take away all of Chuck’s brushes and cans
And cure him of slap-dashing paint with his hands.
Oh wait! Maybe “artwork” could be Chuck’s profession:
His paintings on canvas, though crude, leave me guessin’
That maybe Chuck could be the next great Picasso
(Just not on folks’ walls, Chuck. That’s totally grosso.)
Well, Santa, I’ll close with a humble request:
Have clients call Imhoff, ‘cause hey, we’re the best!
We only give service you’d get with White Gloves,
And give all our projects a fresh coat of LOVE.
We here at Imhoff take thud’ring delight
When we say “Happy Holidays, All, and Good Night!”
***
Discussion Questions
- What are you asking Santa for this year?
- Really? You’ve seriously been THAT good…?
- Are you ready to save big bucks on that fine residential painting project you’ve been putting off, or the project that you know would be a great gift for someone you love whose walls look like egg nog threw up on them?
Send your answers to doug@imhoffpaintingcompany.com
(* Prize is at the sole discretion of Doug Imhoff, his heirs and assigns, and a select committee of North Pole elves who are about to be less busy than usual. Odds of winning are one in a million, just like our cherished “family” of top-notch and talented painters. But I digress. Top prize this month may or may not be a delicious green chili slopper served with yummy egg nog. Top prize will not be removed from a ceiling or wall that Chuck or Dan has been around. We’re all like, “Go Fresh, or Go Home.” Deadline for entry is imaginary. Boring, lackluster, or unimaginative entries will be flown to Raton and forced to enter a modern art commune. Nobody wants that! So send your best work. Good luck!)
***
Don’t forget: With Imhoff Fine Residential Painting, you always get more than a high-quality paint job… you get an enjoyable experience we hope you’ll treasure. We’re passionate about our customers and their properties… we’re a “painting family,” and we treat your project like family, too! Check us out online. We dance in a festive way when we read the many enthusiastic five-star reviews our clients have shared on Google, Yelp, and elsewhere. And we can’t wait to earn our next outstanding review from you!
Know anybody who could use a smile… or perhaps a GREAT painting experience?
Please forward The Painter’s Rag their way!